Duane Gundrum Memoirs,Social Networking,Writing Ponderings on the Ponders of my Ponderings

Ponderings on the Ponders of my Ponderings

I guess I’ve been spending most of my blog time talking about politics, my iPad and other non-Duane stuff. So, I thought I would take a moment and talk about Duane. I don’t get to do that very often, other than an occasional mention here and there. So, let’s see where this goes.

1. My Writing. At the moment, I’m involved in what appears to be an endless writing project that will probably never see the light of day. It’s an epic romance, which is completely out of my normal genres of writing. It’s probably the hardest thing I’ve written because it involves very intricate connections to pull off, and rather than just write my way through it, I thought I would attempt to re-create the genre through some experimental storytelling. I’ve never written this way before, and it tells a story that I probably could not have told a decade ago. You see, my previous novel was a humorous Greek epic, which on the surface sounds like a continuous one-joke romp through epic literature, but I wanted to do something with it I’d never done before. Rather than just tell a fun story, I decided to write a novel that would be written for two separate, distinct audiences. One would be the mainstream crowd that would appreciate the humor, and the other would be the academic scholars who study classical literature. By writing this way, I created a novel that is read in two completely different ways, based on which member of its audience you happen to be. It’s why it took me 5 years to write, instead of two months. On the surface, no one will probably ever realize this. It’s the same thing with my current novel. There is something deeper going on with this novel that might never be discovered, and knowing my luck, it probably won’t ever be published, so the point is probably moot anyway (or mute for that matter).

2. The Job Front. At the moment, it’s steady, but I had my annual performance review today, and let’s just say that sometimes I think I’m being held to higher standards than I should be. Needless to say, the review wasn’t all that exemplary, but not because I do a bad job, but because it’s obvious that I’m not comfortable where I’m at. You see, I do a job that not a lot of people could do, but I’m also way over qualified for the job that I do…if that makes any sense. So, I spend a lot of time doing busy work, because there are times when I’m really not tasked to do anything significant. And that’s a major part of my problem. I don’t do anything on a daily basis that makes a difference. All of my life I always felt that I was here to do something significant, something big, something that matters. And instead, I’m editing copy for a health care organization, whereas it’s seen that I should be doing more than editing copy for a health care organization, yet “we’re just not sure what else you could be doing”. So I find myself inventing things to do that I figure might be useful, such as digging for analytical processes that I can assess and help staff improve. When I do it, it usually looks great, and it’s appreciated. But again, it’s me searching for something to do, and in the end, it was never what was wanted in the first place. That gets old really fast.

We talked about that today in our performance review meeting, and I said I was interested in perhaps exploring developing apps for some of the learning modules we create. That’s seen as a great idea, but again I get the impression that it’s seen as a bit of a gray area until I actually produce something and it’s realized how much these sorts of things were always needed. I’m a creative designer who works for an industry that is not very excited about changing things; that gets really hard to deal with sometimes.

3. Relationships. Not much going on there. Hasn’t been much going on in the last decade. Before that, I had a very active life. Now, nothing. The closest relationships I’ve had have been women with whom I hoped to create relationships, but they were always only interested in being friends. The first time, you get over it. When it happens all of the time, you start to feel somewhat unwanted. It’s honestly been a decade since I’ve seriously dated. And I’m starting to get on in age right now so that it may never happen. My last serious girlfriend was a crazy woman from Hong Kong who should have been institutionalized except I think she scared the institutions too much to ever think of committing her. And that was one of the more stable relationships I had back then….

4. Health. Surprisingly, this is the one good area. I went through a lot of work to change my entire lifestyle to fix some of the health problems I was having. My last doctor’s visit indicated that all of that work paid off. So, something good at least.

5. The Future. I don’t really know. I have a feeling that I’m not going to remain in Grand Rapids much longer. I just don’t like it here. I have no friends, and I have no social life whatsoever. I basically sleep, go to work and come home and play World of Warcraft and then repeat. On the weekends, I don’t go to work, which is the only variation. I’d go out, but there’s nothing to do here in Grand Rapids that interests me. Nothing. I started looking at Chicago and Florida, but unless I can find a job, I’m really stuck here.

That’s really it for now.

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