Duane Gundrum Movies,Writing Thoughts on Movie “2012” and the Concept of Bad Writing

Thoughts on Movie “2012” and the Concept of Bad Writing

I finally got a chance to watch the movie 2012 over the weekend, and it served to remind me that no matter how much money you put into a production, how great the actors are, and how big the premise, bad writing will continuously destroy a movie no matter how much other effort is put into the film. 2012 is one of those movies that had a lot of things going for it. It had a huge budget, the special effects were over the top phenomenal, the actors were all actually high quality actors, including John Cusak and George Segal as well as many other well performing actors. The premise for the movie was pretty big, surpassing pretty much most others with an end of the world theme (which was a lot more impacting than a bunch of transforming cars that fight each other as Megan Fox somehow manages to pretend to act while finding herself in all manners of undress).

But the writing destroyed the movie. Horribly.

It started with one of the cardinal sins of writing, and that’s using coincidence sparingly. (spoiler alert!) Let me start with the basic events of the movie: John Cusak is a writer who published one book that didn’t sell very well, so he’s now working part time as a limo driver for a rich Russian mafioso, ex-boxer. The story starts with him taking his son and daughter on a camping trip to a lake where he and his former wife used to go all of the time on romantic getaways. His ex-wife, by the way, happens to be married to a plastic surgeon who just so happens to be the doctor who did the boob job on the girlfriend of the ex-boxer mafioso Russian. Well, on this trip to the lake, Cusak and kids run into a military operation that is exploring Yosemite, where the ground is becoming unstable. So they meet crazy wacko Woody Harrelson (possibly playing himself), a conspiracy radio host nut who knows the world is coming to an end. When the military detain Cusak, the guy in charge is part of the team that discovered the world is coming to an end, and he just so happens to have a copy of Cusak’s book, being one of the 400 people in the world who has ever seen it, and he recognizes Cusak’s name because he just so happens to be reading it RIGHT NOW.

Well, Cusak, because he believes the crazy nutjob of a radio announcer is telling the truth, manages to get his family out of their house JUST AS ARMAGEDDON HITS and drives them in his limo through California on its worst day EVER, as the Earth explodes all around them. But he has managed to find the one airplane in California that will take them out of danger, so they get to the minor airport, which is where Cusak drove the Russian mafioso guy and his family. But Cusak heard about a map that crazy Woody had, so he manages to get it, and it is a map of China, so they decide they need to fly to China (even though their little plane can’t make that trip). Oh, by the way, the pilot he hired died, so it turns out that the plastic surgeon husband of his ex-wife JUST SO HAPPENS to have had a few lessons in flying, so he flies them out of the worst nightmare of an escape that has ever existed (that is almost as bad as the escape I had when I was running away from an ex-girlfriend who refused to break up with me without at least one of us dead first). Anyway, he gets to Las Vegas where there’s a plane that the Mafioso guy has managed to get a hold of, and because their pilot died, or left, or I don’t really remember what happened to him, it turns out that the “I had a few lessons” guy is now going to fly their plane to China. So they get in that plane and fly it to Hawaii, which is where they need to refuel, but there’s no fuel cause Hawaii is now an inferno, so somehow they manage to continue flying to somewhere in China. Yeah, not really sure how they made it, but somehow they did.

Anyway, I did forget to mention that the guy who ran into Cusak in Yosemite is a scientist and part of a secret plot to build huge space arks that you only discover later aren’t really going into space, but they’re really big water vessels made out of metal. So, if the planet is doomed, that’s not a problem cause they’re still going to be saved somehow because they’re in really big boats now. Meanwhile, the scientist guy’s father is some kind of bad musician on a cruise line with George Segal, who is also a bad musician, too, and they’re on the biggest boat ever, which tips over and kills everyone but not before both dads get to phone their kids and say bye. It’s a good thing to know that during Armageddon, at least AT&T will work as desired, even though AT&T has a bad tendency of dropping most of my phone calls normally (and that’s without Armageddon happening).

So, it turns out the Russian guy booked passage on the space ark fleet for 1 billion and some Euros, and when he gets there, it turns out his space ark has been damaged, so he’s now not going to get to go. So all of the passengers who came with him riot and throw a fit. Meanwhile, an evil government official, who is really not evil but more of a bureaucrat, is trying to keep everyone out of the arks because only the scientifically chosen can be saved (and the ones who had a lot of money, which seems to be the only people who showed up anyway). So Cusak and gang somehow manage to convince a Chinese family that has lived in a Tibetan village their whole life, but all somehow manage to speak English, that they should help them sneak onto the arks. And then fun ensues with lots of rubber tubing getting stuck in the door gears of the most important ark, which cannot be started because for some reason they built a superpowerful space ark (that doesn’t go into space) that for some reason can’t start its engines if the doors are not completely sealed. So, they go on an adventure to “seal the door” and people die, and others live, and sparky the wonder dog somehow gets saved, even though his boob-enhanced mistress does not survive. But the obnoxious Russian twin kids do get saved and somehow become nicer kids in the process, letting Cusak’s daughter play with the dog at one point, whereas they were originally overjoyed that Cusak’s daughter was going to die while they got saved.

Anyway, it’s a complicated story that is somewhat ridiculous, as if the writers weren’t sure if this was an end of the world story, or Earthquake II, in which everyone will live happily ever after. The ending was almost the same ending of Wall-E, and that was kind of disconcerting. There were so many loopholes and plot points that didn’t make any sense throughout this entire movie that I was often flabbergasted that I was watching what I was watching. I kept trying to turn off my critical mind during the watching, but every now and then it would pop back on and say, “um, isn’t 2012 supposed to be about the end of the world, not the moving of the planet’s plates?” In other words, the Mayan prophecies are all about how the calendar ends, meaning the universe as we know it ends, which according to the premise, means that all humanity dies. For me, that meant that we needed actual space arks, not just Noah’s 21st century arks. I kept wondering when these arks were going to fire actual rockets, and then it turns out that they’re nothing more than very big boats. Really? That was the solution to the end of the world?

Anyway, that was the movie, and I was very disappointed. A couple of moments were worth the watching, like trying to see two really old men pretend they’re actual musicians when neither one of them can hum a tune. But other than that, I was disappointed. I had gone into the movie wondering how an end of the world story can possibly have a happy ending, but like most Hollywood productions, they were too frightened to deal with the resolution of the story as the Mayans would have because that would have meant that the struggle in the movie was hopeless and futile. That doesn’t sell a lot of tickets.

One moral I did get from the movie, even though they were trying hard as hell to go the opposite direction of this, is that no matter what you do, no matter how good you are, in the end, those with the most money and power are rewarded with survival; those without are doomed to be swallowed up by the apocalypse and left to die…cold and alone.

11 thoughts on “Thoughts on Movie “2012” and the Concept of Bad Writing”

  1. Hey this is a great story. I’m going to email this to my buddies. I stumbled on this while googling for some new lyrics, I’ll be sure to visit regularly. thanks for sharing.

  2. After searching Bing I found your site about Thoughts on Movie “2012″ and the Concept of Bad Writing . I think both are good and I will be coming back to you and them in the future. Thanks

  3. Collision with planet X (or Niburu) has been predicted since 2003, yet any planet close enough to be in collision with the Earth in 2012 would now be plainly visible to astronomers in the night sky.

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