The other day, I was playing a game I tend to come back to often. It’s called Guild Wars 2, which is interesting because I never played Guild Wars 1. And while that’s interesting to me, I’m sure a reader who doesn’t play Guild Wars 2 really cares. But why I find it interesting is because it represents everything that is wrong with computer games today. Let me explain.

Guild Wars 2 has about 10,000 expansions, and I’ve never played a single one.

You see, I love the gameplay of Guild Wars 2. I’m pretty good at it. I’m not good at chess or even most things in life, but I’m damn good at Guild Wars 2.

I just suck at every expansion that has been released by Arena Net, the company that puts out Guild Wars 2.

I’ll be honest. I haven’t lasted ten seconds of any of the gameplay that has been released as an expansion to Guild Wars 2.

The first expansion: Something Sounding Cool. Well, I loaded it up, all excited about new gameplay in Guild Wars 2, and then they offered their new ability (a glider sort of thing that was kind of fun in that almost flying kind of way. And then they wanted you to integrate that gliding thing into actual gameplay. I sucked at it. Eventually, I stopped trying and then just went back to the original game without first expansion.

Another expansion later, my main character fought a bunch of bad guys and then (about ten seconds in) I found myself face to face with some demon who might have been the Devil. And then he kicked my ass all over the place. So I tried facing him again, and then I lying face down on the ground, dead.

So I went back to the original game.

This is the problem I have with most expansions that aren’t The Sims. You see, The Sims have made 4,000 expansions (each costing $19.99) Each game adds something simple, like if you had no hair and toupee companies charged you $20 for another slice of hair. All these other expansions with other games all want to add something fun, but in order to do that, they make the other parts of the expansions so much harder to play. It’s like saying, “we’re giving you a pet bunny that you get to pet when it squirms in your hands,” and while you’re petting the bunny, the God of Hell is going to chase after you and make you realize how much of a wimp you really are. Got that, wimpy boy?