I was checking out the news today when it started to dawn on me how much of our news is just crap masquerading as news. So I decided it would be fun to point out the stories that seem to be generating lots of buzz, and then point out why it’s doing nothing but wasting our time. Part of the problem is that we switched to a 24 hour news cycle, but because there really isn’t 24 hours worth of news, we get lots of garbage that tends to just overwhelm us with mediocrity. And then a bunch of pundits, or housewives (like the View) will get together and start commenting on stupid stories as if they’re somehow relevant.
Here’s my line-up for today:
1. Emanuel Elected Chicago Mayor. Why is this included in my list? Because it was conclusive the moment he was given the nod to run that he was going to win. It’s like announcing that Obama is going to be president for the next two years. We know that. It’s not a newsbreaking story. It’s just something that’s happening because nothing else could have happened. What’s truly significant about Emanuel is what happens after, when the people of Chicago start to realize that they got a Washington-insider who is looking to pad his own portfolio and really doesn’t care one iota about people from Chicago. It’s a stepping stone for him to higher office, and everyone knows it. This falls into my “why do we give power to insignificant people” folder, which grows larger every year. Too many irrelevant people are put into positions of power because they know the right people, have enough money or just are so corrupt that people mistake that for competence. In the end, I predict lots of scandals, lots of corruption and headache news coming out of Chicago once things start moving as they normally move in Chicago. And no matter how many bad things happen, a core group of people will say he was a great leader and recommend him for governor or president. That’s politics.
2. Justin Bieber got a haircut. Really? This was on the front page of CNN’s site as a highlighted story? Really? I shaved this morning. Why didn’t I get a nod from CNN? I have to share this though. The other day, I was in Meijer looking through the posters they sell, and there were at least ten of Justin Bieber. One of them had me laughing hysterically for about half an hour. It showed Bieber in a leather jacket, acting tough, and all I could do was laugh nonstop. I think some woman grabbed her daughter and shuffled her away from me, and possibly Homeland Security was alerted, meaning I can’t fly on domestic flights anymore, but I couldn’t stop laughing. He’s a freaking teen kid who looks like Opie from The Andry Griffith Show. He’s about as tough as my stuffed animal Brucoe. Actually, I apologize as Brucoe is growling at me now, as he doesn’t like to be compared to Opie…I mean Bieber.
3.
Alyssa Milano is pregnant. As are a whole bunch of other movie stars, tv stars, singers, musicians, muppets and whatever. Not a real story. Somewhere down the line, we started to go into the personal lives of celebrities and report on them as if they’re really news stories. They’re not. It’s all entertainment fodder that slowly replaces actual news. It’s one thing when a story like this one is reported by People Magazine (which is where I pulled the source citation). However, every major news outlet reports it as news as well, often linking to the People Magazine story, like CNN and Fox News are both doing. I could trace it up through a number of other major news outlets, but why waste the time? We know they all seem to be doing it these days.
Some years ago, we used to have little reports here and there about celebrities, but it was usually a side pack to an actual revelation, like a new movie was coming out, or someone was going to be starting a new television series. Now, we get nonstop coverage of Jessica Alba’s “baby bump”. Personally, I’d like to find and kill the person who invented the “baby bump” term, because it annoys the crap out of me. Somewhere, somehow, someone got the idea that talking about some star’s pregnancy is really significant information for the rest of us to know. It’s not. Some movie star’s future kid is an irrelevant story unless we know for certain that child is going to grow up to be a major celebrity himself/herself. Which brings me to the update of the day on certain implosive stars, like Charlie Sheen, Mel Gibson and Lindsay Lohan. If they’re making a new movie, television show, or saving a specific rain forest, it’s a story. If they’re yelling at a concierge in a French hotel, it’s NOT a story. Or it never should be.
I’m sorry I have to point this out again, but I will, because someone is going to criticize me with exactly this argument: “But I like stories about celebrities.” That’s fine. They should be reported in gossip papers, not the national news as a newsbreaking story that gets pushed across the bottom of the screen while people are rioting in Egypt. That had to be the saddest commentary of all time when victorious revolutionists overthrew Mubarak, there was a news ticker going across the screen revealing the breaking news story that Paris Hilton was thinking about shopping for an engagement ring. Talk about destroying the impact of a world-changing event. I mean, years from now Paris Hilton is going to be forever scarred because when she was thinking of buying an engagement ring for a marriage that may or may not happen, she had to have it disrupted by a whole bunch of Egyptians overthrowing the oppressive regime of a dictator who only days ago ordered all of their deaths for disobeying him. That poor girl.
5.
Ex-Aide slams Sarah Palin. Who cares? Tells us absolutely nothing new but fuels a news machine that loves to print things about Sarah Palin, who is a non-entity in real politics. She has zero chance of any electivity in this country and serves as a joke to the American political system. She has absolutely no significance, importance or relevance to anything whatsoever. Yet, every news cycle seems to need to print more information about her that has no further relevance than the last crap that was printed or broadcasted.
This week hasn’t been as bad as some other weeks, but that’s all I really have for the stories that probably shouldn’t be taking up our time. However, I’d like to talk about some stories that I think are important:
1.
Libya. The continuous spread of the wave of democracy has now touched on Libya and is about to splash down there. Unlike Egypt, Libya has no US presence or any type of pressure from western countries to stop it from doing what it does. As a matter of fact, unlike Egypt, Libya has more control over the west than the west has over it, mainly because western countries will support this dictator to the very end in the hopes of not losing its constant flow of oil that comes from Libya. Somewhere down the line, as things get really bad, the western countries are going to have to make an important choice to either stand behind democracy or stand behind the dictator. Unfortunately, our track record on these types of events is not good, and Obama hasn’t proven to be any different than any other previous president before him.
2.
Egypt. So far, everything has gone right for the democracy movement. The army has stood behind the protesters and is doing all of the right things. Like any good movie, I suspect some twist is only around the corner about to happen, so we should be ready for any jerking movement that should happen in the near future, like the army suddenly deciding to go back on promises, or revolutionaries doing something stupid based on unsubstantiated bravado. Hopefully, everything will keep going right, but we know how the real world tends to work.
3.
Wisconsin. The fight of unions against government is playing out in Wisconsin as I write this. No one knows how it is going to turn out, but things are getting pretty bad for all of the actors involved. This is an important story and should be the focus of pretty much everyone.
4.
The Budget Show Down. Most people aren’t really paying attention, but the whole future of our country is being argued on a daily basis between Republicans and Democrats, and they’re heading towards a shut down of the US government because neither side can get along. This is massively important, and much like a North and South Korea stalemate, our two sides are not budging. The victims in the end will be the American people, and to be honest, I don’t think the political actors really care because they both realize that the American people are still stuck with two choices: Them. Therefore, there’s no belief that any negative fallout will occur (at least not to them). If our nation shuts down, that should be a sign to the American people how little the people who run our government really cares about the people who make up the citizenry of this government. But unfortunately, no one will notice, and the fights will continue because we’re often way too stupid to realize when we’re being played and when we’re being played with.
Those are a few stories that should receive the most attention. Sadly, they won’t, and by the time we end up in an election cycle, we’ll be arguing about someone’s comments on abortion, an irrelevant celebrity’s comments on some half-relevant issue, or something completely innane and unimportant.
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