I know everyone has been wondering about the similarities and comparisons of these three media devices, so I’ve decided to devote a column to examining just that. Now that Apple has had its Ipad 2 out for some time, Amazon announced its Kindle Fire to be released in November, and Home Depot has chopped up a block of wood into the size of a cube, I figured it was time to see how they differ from each other.
The Ipad 2: It’s a lot like a Star Trek data pad, and it runs on some kind of processor that may or may not have powered the space shuttle. It has been known to make really geeky guys very popular with hot supermodels, and the first time I turned it on, it made my IQ go up a whole 25 points.
Specs: It has a color screen, it has some funky icons on the screen that don’t make a lot of sense, but you can touch them and they do all sorts of weird things. Sometimes, when you’re not paying attention, it plays music, sometimes even from your own music library. One person who worked at the Apple Store referred to it aptly as “magical”, and that’s about all the information I have on it.
The Kindle Fire, of which I don’t have an actual picture because it hasn’t appeared in flesh yet, is a lot like the earlier Kindle, except more expensive and it does more stuff. It is also in color and from the picture seen, beautiful women have them on the beach, pretending to read them while they really sit there looking pretty, knowing that I’m watching and they’re not going to talk to me no matter what sort of line I come up with, like “Hey, Baby, I saw you over here, and I was over there, so now that I’m over here and, um, well, I, uh….” yeah, that’s how most of my pick up lines end up. Yeah, I’m not really proud of that.
Specs: Like the Ipad 2, it’s magical. It has little gnomes inside it that retrieve information for you from the Internet, and if you feed them well, they get you more information that you can use at a later time.
A Block of Wood. Surprisingly, this doesn’t compare well to the Ipad 2 or the Kindle Fire. It’s only value is the fact that it’s been around a very long time, and you can make things with it, like wooden Ipad 2’s and wooden Kindle Fires. But it doesn’t retrieve information from the Internet. It just sits there, doing nothing, like a stupid block of wood.
I really hate it. I wish I never bought it. Stupid salesmen and their Mad Men approach to selling crap I don’t need!