I recently changed my eating habits completely, cutting out any variation of high fructose corn syrup from my diet. Now, this isn’t a post to argue the merits or deficiencies of HFCS but just to point out how hard it is to cut it out if you decide that’s something you want to do.

Some years ago, Bill Maher had an interview with two legislators and some actor/commedian (or whatever the other person was), and they were talking about high fructose corn syrup. Maher was on his kick about how bad the stuff is for you, and the two legislators (one congressman and one senator, both from opposite parties) couldn’t bring themselves to critique it AT ALL. It was so obvious that both of them were so beholden to the corn lobby that nothing that was said during this interview even gave them the ability to say anything bad about it. Maher would talk about how it was contributing massively to obesity, and both of them responded with talking points about how great farmers are. It was surreal and almost too hard to even believe.

Fastforward a couple of years, and I’ve actually been trying to cut it out of my diet completely. First thing I did was go through my refrigerator and cupboards, looking for everything that had it in it. The obvious stuff, like candy, chips and all that kind of stuff, were easy to spot. Then I found it in stuff like Spaghetti O’s. So those went into the trash can, too. Went through the fridge and found it in strawberry jelly. Found it in pudding. Then I found it in Heinz ketchup. Swish; it went into the trash can as well.

The freezer found a few items that found their way to the trash can as well. Discovered marshmellow treats had it in it. Lost those.

The next day, I went out for groceries, and wow, it was in everything. Had to buy a different type of ketchup as Heinz had nothing but HFCS in all of the choices I could find. Ended up with Hunts Ketchup instead. Jelly was a nightmare to find something without HFCS in it. Every choice I looked at had it in it, unless I bought diet, and that then meant buying a product with aspartame (another argument completely). Then I actually found a brand that advertised that it had none in it. It used actual sugar.

Frozen foods were a problem. One of my favorite sets of frozen meals is made by Boston Market. Discovered their frozen food contains HFCS. Couldn’t buy any of my favorite dishes. Ran down the aisle and found a few other items I used to like to buy. Couldn’t buy those either. Ended up buying nothing in the frozen food aisle. Figured I’d have to start living on sandwiches.

As for sandwiches, discovered that a LOT of bread contains HFCS in it. So, finally found a brand called Aunt Sallie’s or something like that. Almost didn’t buy it because I once dated a girl named Sally who was kind of crazy. When we broke up, she sent me an itemized bill for $300, saying I owed her that much for everything she ever bought during our relationship, so I paid it and figured it was a bargain to actually get rid of her before she came back at me with a knife. Did I mention she was crazy? Anyway, bought a loaf of bread of the crazy ex-girlfriend’s brand that advertised no HFCS in it. Tasted like dirt. So a few days later had to go back to the store and buy another type of wheat bread from the same company (and threw the previous loaf of bread in the trash as there was no way I’d ever eat through that loaf of dirty-tasting bread). Fortunately, the second choice of bread I bought was much better tasting (and had no HFCS in it).

I’m still making the mistake of buying aspartame products, and even though I’m debating just turning to water products only, I haven’t made that sacrifice yet. It’s not about trying to lose weight, as my weight is fine, but just getting rid of specific things that are harming my body. I’m just not ready to lose my continuous supply of diet Dr Pepper.

So, that’s been my adventure in getting rid of HFCS products. It turned out to be a lot tougher than I imagined. At work, I used to eat french fries with my meals, but unfortunately the only ketchup available is Heinz, which definitely has HFCS, so I’ve switched to a BBQ potato chip that, according to the ingredients, doesn’t seem as harmful as what I have been eating. The real unfortunate thing is that I can no longer eat at any random fast food place because it’s really hard to tell what exactly is in the products they sell. I went to a couple of their web sites, and even though they claim to give their nutritional information, some of their reporting appears inconclusive, lacking in full disclosure and dubious at best. Therefore, I have to pretty much prepare everything I eat these days in order to not be fooled into purchasing and eating more harmful HFCS crap that they use because it’s much cheaper (and they don’t care one iota about their customers, no matter how much PR they use to pretend they do).

So, that’s my story, and hopefully I’ll live to tell more.