Tag Archives: social networking

Ever Since I Abandoned Facebook

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A month or so ago, I indicated my frustration with Facebook and its many, many anti-customer approaches to business (you know, the ones that have been reported in the media where Facebook sees us as their product rather than treats us as if Facebook is the product). At the time, I decided to drop Facebook and see if I could move on. A couple of things happened that made that really difficult. So, I thought I would talk about my experiences and just kind of let you know what sort of things kind of happen.

  • First, I didn’t drop them outright or completely. I discovered that was going to be difficult. Not because I really liked it, or that I wanted to sign in and see how Aunt Myrtle’s Frozen Fish collection is going, but because of simple logistics. Facebook has just gotten too involved in my life. My writing business has a presence on Facebook and because of that, even my mailing list is kind of tied into the service. And there are peripherals I use that want Facebook, like my Oculus Go VR headset. Turns out, the company that makes it is owned by Facebook. Yeah, I could go through a process of trying to detach it from Facebook, but honestly, why? And there is no end to the apps and sites I’ve gone onto over the years that allowed a Facebook login instead of signing up directly. So, ending Facebook wasn’t as beneficial to me as I thought it might be.
  • Abandoning Facebook seemed the better alternative. Granted, it still gives them access to my data, and I know they’re constantly trying to track what I’m doing, but I don’t sign in. I went through and removed any type of thing that gives them access to my data, my location or anything else. I suspect they’re tracking my Oculus Go stuff, but I figure that unless they’re overly interested in my fascination with Hello Kitty, they’re going to get really bored, really fast. Over a month now, I’ve not signed onto Facebook once, and I kind of like that.
  • Because I don’t sign on, I’m not seeing endless updates from people telling me about their kids, their pets, their dinner, their trip to the corner store, and how many times they’ve had a bowel movement. It’s amazing how much drivel comes across Facebook. Even from me. I originally signed up to Facebook, overjoyed to be able to keep up with friends over the years, but let’s be honest: They weren’t trying all that hard to keep up with me even after I found them. There’s a reason they disappeared from my life before Facebook. We parted ways for a reason. No matter how hard I tried to get their back, they weren’t coming back. Ever.
  • Facebook has now turned into one of those clingy ex-girlfriends. Yesterday, I got 4 emails from Facebook, telling me that one of my “friends” has posted something, or included a photo, or had a bowel movement. And to play the whole bait and switch game, Facebook doesn’t give you enough information to even indicate if the post is worth signing onto them to read. It’s like: “Your hot supermodel friend Rebecca posted…” Yeah, you get the idea. Click bait from the gods of click bait. I also have 85 unread messages. 85. Oh noes.
  • My real conclusion is that I’m not missing anything. I tried MeWe (another social networking site) to replace Facebook because it had better privacy policies, but I don’t even sign onto it either. Leaving Facebook showed me how little value Facebook has as a service. It was a nice little gimmick, but that was so 2000s. This is 2019. I have better things to do.
  • This isn’t some kind of advocacy thing either. I don’t care if you do or do not use Facebook. I just know that I’m not going to be doing it. I suspect that eventually people are going to realize this as well, and if not, then you can all be as mindless as I was and continue to give it all of our data and information. Besides, there’s always Twitter, Instagram (also owned by Facebook) and Youtube. We’re never going to run out of things to steal…um, I mean, occupy our time.

What’s Happening With Duane?

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So, it’s been a little while since I’ve updated the page, but that doesn’t mean that I haven’t been busy. Since the last times I was posting, I found myself getting involved in a lot of things that aren’t exactly blog related, but just seem to be a little more significant to what’s going on with my life right now.

First, I’ve been getting involved with Youtube. And I mean, a lot of Youtube. I don’t just mean watching it either. I’ve also been producing content as well. I’ve been doing, well, what you’d expect, and that’s Youtubing all about writing. Yes, I’ve been offering tips on how to become a writer. You can see one of those here:

I’ve also been producing content on politics, as you’d probably expect. Here’s one of my selections on the Kavanaugh hearings:

And then, of course, where would be without the constant bad humor of Duane?

The beauty of my channel is that it covers all sorts of thoughts on the spectrum. If you want to subscribe to my channel, just go here.

Speaking of Youtube, I’ve discovered it’s turning out to be a lot more interesting than anything that’s being produced on television. Over the Winter break, I found myself more interesting in Youtube content than anything that was on television. Never thought I’d say that before. The one problem with that is that you can easily be sucked into rabbit hole content. By which, I mean all sorts of conspiracy theories and ridiculous content that has no basis in reality whatsoever.

One of my favorite recent diversions has been all things ASMR. In case you’re not aware of what this is, it’s a technical term (you can look it up) for content that consists of people whispering and making sounds. It’s supposed to trigger responses from certain people, and it can be very soothing. I found it while looking for videos to help me sleep some time back, and now I’ve been down the rabbit hole numerous times and in various ways. Some better than others….

The content can be fun, interesting and sometimes just outright bizarre. In some cases, the content can be a bit risque.

Another diversion has been partisan types of behavior. Now, most people know I’m a bit of a fiscal conservative but politically I’m more of an anarchist. And I’m also an avid gamer. So, I found myself attracted to content that I thought was about removing political content in computer games, only to discover a whole new rabbit hole of rabid conservatives who hate anything that might be construed as liberal. And rather than be turned off by it, I’ve found myself completely fascinated by it. One of my favorites is a site called The Quartering, which is basically a game news site that tends to be geared against partisan behavior in gaming, but quite often goes off the deep end and becomes partisan in his own way, even though I don’t think he even realizes he’s doing it (or he’d deny it because he’s fallen into that grey area of where a partisan person thinks everyone who disagrees with him is partisan (although he’s usually a lot better than that and can put forth some fascinating content)). Here’s one of his recent ones. Again, it’s one of those things that is better to watch with an open mind.

One of the problems of a lot of this content (and the previous one is usually absent of this problem, which is why I watch it so often), is that the content creators often start to fall into dangerous territory that is quite negative, and quite often you don’t realize it’s gone there until it just has. An example: I was watching one feed of some guy that was railing against liberal women who hate men (which, for bizarre reasons I had been fine with up until that point), and then he started going off on George Soros and “their desire to control everything”, and you might just get the point that sometimes they go too far, and you have to stop watching videos from that sort of content creator.

But one of the more interesting fascinations I’ve had is with a whole movement I’d never heard of before that seems a lot more popular than I’d ever realized, and that’s the MGTOW movement. For several videos, I kept seeing those letters and had no idea what they meant. And then one content creator explained: Men Going Their Own Way. It appears that in this movement, men have gotten frustrated with women and their liberal ways, and their desires to control both men and their interactions with them, to the point of creating all sorts of horrible processes in the dating community. So, mean have just decided to give up on the whole thing and go their own way and ONLY date women not like that.

The videos I’ve seen from a lot of the guys tend to be really negative and angry. But what’s really caught my interest is the number of videos from women who have been responding to this, creating a whole bizarre conversation back and forth that just seems like bad French poetry. And then, recently, I’ve come across a lot of response videos from women who appear to actually support the movement, and that slowly led to the realization that it’s yet another ultra-conservative movement because the majority of these people tend to be right-wing, angry people who see the attempts by liberals to force social customs upon everyone else. Of course, I’m painting this with a very wide brush, so not everyone falls into just those categories, but enough do to make the movement very hard to watch without that constraint.

This caused me to find an off shoot of that movement that is basically a response to a lot of the parameters set in today’s dating society that seems more focused on science-based understanding, showing that both socially and biologically that women and men are on the same trajectories but with different time periods, based on a belief that both are approaching what’s called The Wall (women at a younger age and men at an age approaching the 40s). A good explanation of this comes from a video by a person who goes by the studio of Entrepreneurs in Cars.

Anyway, there are all sorts of rabbit holes you can find yourself going into with this type of stuff. Thankfully, I’m here for you doing that sort of work so you don’t have to. Or at least that’s what I’m telling myself.

Why Twitter Should Be Seen As A Complete Failure

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Joshua had a few things he needed to say

As much as it saddens me to say this, I’m more and more convinced every day that Twitter has failed as the communication vehicle it originally set out to be. You see, the original idea for Twitter was that it was going to create an atmosphere where people could communicate with lots of people AND as a result, give those people an opportunity to communicate back. Whereas television, radio and rallies tended to present one sided conversations, Twitter was going to offer the opportunity for the channel to go back and forth. Granted, it would be mostly pointed out from the person being followed, but that feedback was an essential part of the dynamic.

Fast-forward a few years, and what we have is a social networking system that has become mostly one-sided. For an absurd example, but one that points out the problem first-hand, look at the account of Kim Kardashian West. She has 58.4 million followers. But more significantly, she follows exactly 131 people. While she does retweet people from time to time, the chances of actually getting a specific reply from her are about as likely as getting a date with Taylor Swift (translation: not likely). If you look at the most retweeted account, that of our current president, it’s interesting to note that he is followed by 47 million and only follows 45 accounts. If you look through some of the most popular accounts on Twitter, you see something very similar to just that.

What this means is that Twitter is not a communication process but a megaphone for people who are popular entities already. Some entrepreneur still needs to invent the process for people to actually have a voice in conversation with others, but Twitter is not it. If you look at the average account, people tend to have at most 100 followers and generally follow a few more than that.

The moral to this story is that quite often people follow the individuals they respect because they wish to interact with that person. But Twitter doesn’t really make that a part of its process, even though it often acts like that’s exactly what is supposed to happen. An example is a celebrity like William Shatner who has 2.57 million followers, follows about 500 and generally has somewhat of an adversarial relationship with anyone who would like to converse with him.

That’s not to say that there aren’t those who don’t communicate with their fans. I’ve followed Marina Sirtis (Counselor Troi from Star Trek the Next Generation) for some time now, and she’s very friendly to her fan base. From time to time, she responds directly to things people say to her. But to be honest, she’s a rarity, whereas most celebrities treat it as a segment of their entourage that they allow tiny morsels of information.

Unfortunately, it’s all we got right now, but it’s so inferior to what I really wish it could be. So, that’s for someone else to invent and bring to the masses. I’ll wait.

What’s most annoying about the Equifax Data Breach

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By  now (September 8, 2017), most people have heard that there was a data breach at Equifax that has made over 143 million Americans vulnerable (about half of the entire country). Read more about it here.

Equifax hasn’t done itself any favors since the breach. First, it waited a month to let anyone know that their security was compromised. Second, 3 of its executives decided to cash out stock in the company a few days after discovering the breach. And third, in order to sign up for the “free” protection services, you have to agree to their Terms of Service, which basically say that you agree to arbitration and lose the right to participate in any class action lawsuit. None of those revelations sound good for the company.

But what makes this breach most annoying to the average American is that there was no way we could have avoided being involved. Most of us don’t do business with Equifax. We don’t open accounts with them. They open accounts ON us. We are their product, and we don’t have a choice in the matter.

Yet, we’re the ones affected. We’re the ones who will be cheated out of our money and thrown into the poorhouse if this runs the course it most likely will run. Equifax will protect Equifax long before it protects any of us. It’s entire model is not built on protecting consumers, but in reporting on consumers to big companies that give them business.

This is a lot like Facebook, even though you may not realize it. Facebook’s product is us, not its web site. Without us, Facebook has no business. Equifax is exactly the same way. The big difference is: Most of us choose to be on Facebook to take advantage of its use of us. So very few of us EVER chose to do business with Equifax, aside from the few people who wanted to monitor their credit before this all happened.

So, let this be another example to you that there are those companies out there who see YOU as a their product and aren’t willing to give you a single cent in order to exploit you. Feel good about that because it’s only going to get worse. Nuff said.

The Fear of Pissing Off Your Audience While Trying to Get One in the First Place

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The cover of my new book. Someone told me it looks like something they may have read, but I’m not seeing it.

One of the problems of being political or taking a political stance is that chances are pretty good that you’re going to end up pissing off someone when you didn’t intend to do just that. As a writer, my goal is always to entertain as many people as possible, so whenever I deal with political issues, I get scared that whatever I’m going to say is bound to cause an audience member to dislike me. And these days, when someone dislikes you, that person tends to stop following and you never hear from that person again.

Therefore, it becomes a dilemma.

Because if one focuses on this type of fear then a writer is bound to water down whatever he or she has to say and only say the things that he or she hopes the audience is interested in hearing. And I can only imagine how bland and boring that might turn out to be.

The other day, I posted a tongue in cheek comment about something, and one of my politically correct “friends” corrected me and told me that I had to be careful, because saying such things can be construed to be wrong. I didn’t respond, but part of me was thinking: “Hey, I said what I said because it was something I wanted to say. If it bothers you, just ignore it or go frack yourself.” I didn’t say that because I’m a complete coward, but it did cause me to think.

And then the next week, that same person posted something that was completely one-sided, told in a tone that she knew best and anyone else who disagreed was obviously stupid. Basically, she did exactly what she told me not to do and then didn’t think anything of it. I then started to notice she does that all of the time.

Some people are like that. They are good at criticizing, but not so good at avoiding the behavior they criticize in the first place.

But then, she’s not a writer worried about people not continuing to read what she writes, and I am. So, there’s the dilemma.

Which kind of brings me to wondering how it is possible for polemic people to write the types of articles they do, knowing that people are going to be annoyed at what they write. I’m thinking about people like Ann Coulter, Michael Moore, and Tomi Lahren. The first two have completely established audiences that they’re probably never going to lose, but like the latter one, it leaves me wondering what kinds of risks is someone like Lahren willing to make in order to remain somewhat relevant in a very hostile media atmosphere. And part of me is also constantly wondering if part of the appeal is physical attractiveness as well, because if there wasn’t that, I kind of wonder at how many followers someone like her would have if the audience isn’t already cemented.

Social media seems to be one of those weird animals in that some people just come to it naturally and do really well right out the gate, whereas others, like me, take to it slowly and never really seem to reach the audiences they dream of achieving. It’s like the market for writing novel e-books. I’ve been writing for decades, and the readers I have tend to be the same readers who found me some years back. Others, I’ve seen them publish their first book and suddenly they’re selling them faster than Amazon can print them. Okay, Amazon doesn’t exactly print them, but you get the idea. I hope.

Some people just do really well with little effort while others succeed without trying. I’m starting to believe that that is how social media works for some people as well. While some people have the added benefit of being attractive to, well, attract others, those of us like me, toad-like in appearance, pretty much have to fight for each stride of existence. Okay, not toad-like, but I will admit that when my picture is put next to Brad Pitt’s, people tend not to stop and think: “Wow, I can’t tell them apart.” Definitely not. Brad’s got nothing on me!

Anyway, so the point is that getting an audience can be pretty tough and then once you do, it’s like walking on egg shells to make sure that you don’t lose any of your listeners. People can be pretty fickle about such things, and once you’ve lost a member of your audience, you tend to never get that person back.

So, if this bothers anyone who happens to be reading this, understand that it was someone else who said it, not me. I would never say anything to piss you off. Really. I’m just that kind of guy.

Please don’t go!

At wit’s end with writing

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I honestly don’t know what to do. I can’t seem to get anyone interested in my writing. It’s not because it’s not good enough; it’s mainly because it’s not famous enough, and it’s never going to be “famous” enough because no one reads it.

I guess what gets on my nerves is that I tend to support all of my friends and colleagues on their social networking sites, but rarely is that ever reciprocated. I’ll give a thumbs up to someone’s ridiculous cat picture or to someone’s latest “look how cute my baby is” photo. But rarely does that get returned.

I have about one friend on my social networking sites who I am very thankful for because she’s always supporting me with my writing. Probably more than she should ever have to. But she’s a rarity. I sometimes wish there was more I could do to support her, but I try.

Recently, I published probably the most important book of my career. To give it the credit it’s due, I need to hype the hell out of it because the publishing world is not the same place it was a decade ago. Publishers don’t support you. Writers are pretty much on their own, and unless they were Stephen King-level of famous a decade ago, they’re pretty much stuck with trying to make an impact in a world that has the attention span of a five year old.

So, I have been trying everything possible to get people interested in this book. For the first time ever, I created a book trailer and put it on Amazon and Youtube. It’s really funny and entertaining. The people who have seen it, all ten of them, love it. If you start to get my drift, I now can’t get people to watch a Youtube of a promo for a book that they aren’t interested in reading either. Basically, a writer trying to get traction today is essentially screwed.

The tragic part of trying to make it has a lot to do with the mechanisms that drive the whole industry now. In order to advertise my book anywhere, you generally have to have at least 4 to 5 reviews that are 4 stars or above (averaged). So, if you don’t have people who already read your book and reviewed it, you can’t get advertising for it so that people can actually read it and review it. And if by some chance you got those first five reviews and then could pay for some advertising, you then have to get dozens of reviews before you can actually start hitting a breaking point of where people will ever even notice that you’ve written a book. If you’re unknown, kind of like I am, then you’d probably get better results standing on the corner and throwing copies of your books at passing cars, hoping to hit one, blinding the driver so that he has to stop after running into a flagpole.

Anyway, here’s a last look at the video I created for this campaign.

 

Am I Wasting My Time With This Blog (does anyone even read it)?

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For some time now, I’ve been wondering how many people actually read my blog, if any. I mean, I know a few people read it, and those are mainly my close friends. But other than a half dozen, I’m not sure what I’m doing here really equates to a useful use of my time. Considering I’ve been doing this blog for years now, one would think that it would have received a bit better of a reception than absolutely little to none.

Strangely enough, I get lots of responses to my posts. But they’re all from spammers. And I mean A LOT of responses from spammers who are basically trying to sell their stuff, attempt to steal my ID, or whatever else they’re doing when they attempt to get people to click on their useless links.

But not so many people. Every now and then I’ll get a 1/10 vote on an old post of mine, where someone generally didn’t understand I was being ironic (or sarcastic) and then thinks that when I argue that Iran is doing good things by hurting women again, I’m being sarcastic, in that I don’t support them in their actions. Instead of any response from anyone, I’ll get someone who gives me a 1/10, a thumbs down, or a rant about how men like me are keeping women in the Middle Ages of sexual politics, meaning they didn’t understand the article, or didn’t read far enough into it to care enough to try to understand it. That gets really frustrating when that kind of stuff ends up being the only responses you tend to get.

This blog was designed as a place for a political scientist/communications person who sees the world through really bizarre lenses (including an anarchist one as well) to talk about all sorts of issues, ranging from politics, to game design (I used to work as a game designer years ago), to academics (I have more degrees than I can count, which is really an appeal to our horrible educational system that didn’t teach me to count very well), to humor, to my comic strip The Adventures of Stickman and the Unemployed Legospaceman (which you can access from the links on this page), to technology, to my unusual dating history (in which I end up having to fear almost every woman I’ve ever dated), to pretty much anything else. Yet, I don’t think this blog gets out to anyone. Or to very few.

I’ve tried all sorts of “have your blog seen by millions” techniques, but I’ve mainly failed. No one but spammers seems to know I exist. If others are seeing it, they’re being very quiet, like that strange person who sneaks into my house and steals all of my left socks.

The blog was originally a showcase for my novel writing, but that never seemed to do much either. Years later, and a dozen or so novels later, I’m as popular as someone who has yet to write his or her first word.

So, I’m going to throw this out to you all. If you read it, let me know. If not, I’m probably going to give this a few weeks to make its way into the cobwebs of the web and then close down my blog for good. Why waste time and money on something nobody is enjoying?

Why Don’t People Trust Facebook?

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There’s an article today on MSNBC, indicating that according to a poll, people generally don’t trust Facebook. The reasons the article comes up with are interesting, but it left me wondering if there’s not something a bit simpler going on in the minds of people who are focusing on the social networking site. Let me put it into my theory:

1. People don’t trust a company that continues to chip away at something it claims it’s not trying to do, and by that, I’m referring to compromising privacy. Since day one, Facebook has been trying to gain more and more information about people and then use that information for its own personal profit. When called on it, they back down, a bit, and then turn around and try another attempt at circumventing their own rules, while pretending that’s not what they’re doing. It’s like a romantic partner who claims never to cheat, and you keep finding him/her with someone from the opposite sex, and once confronted, he/she claims it will never happen again. And then next week, it does. That’s the main problem with trusting Facebook. It’s almost as if they feel they’re too big to be held responsible for their actions. And when confronted, they really don’t care.

2. People don’t trust a company created by young people who galavant around as rich, privileged asses. Since Zuckerberg became the new billionaire on the block, people generally don’t like him. The corporate world doesn’t like him because he shows up at fancy meetings in a hoodie. The common people don’t like him because he’s that geek kid that screwed you over in secret and then tried to pretend it was someone else. Girls don’t like him because he’s a womanizing prick who wouldn’t ever get a girl if he didn’t also happen to be a billionaire. Face it. Every social situation that appears around him displays him as an ass. Sure, he could be the greatest, nicest guy around, but the movie about him makes him look like a backstabbing smart kid who even screwed over his own best friend for money. It’s hard to trust someone like that, even if the movie was completely false and it turns out he’s nicer than Mother Teresa.

3. Facebook doesn’t actually do anything to generate an actual profit. You see, that’s the thing that’s been bothering me since day one. It’s a social networking site where THE MEMBERS are the ones actually doing all of the socializing. Facebook is like the road you drive on to get somewhere. It isn’t cool. It doesn’t make your trip more enjoyable. It’s just there to get you from one place to the next. Yet, it’s like the road then sending you a message indicating that it’s now going to take all of your vital information and sell it to all of your friends (and then charge you for it) because you decided to actually drive on the road to get to work once. The analogy is a bit strained, but I’m sure you get the idea.

I have a few friends of mine who gave up Facebook when it first started to become big. They haven’t looked back since. Sure, it’s harder to keep in touch with them, but I don’t get the impression that they’re hurting for their decision. They didn’t trust Facebook since day one, and as a result they gave it up. To be honest, I may end up doing the same thing myself because it hasn’t proved to be all that useful to me over the long haul. My writing business hasn’t improved, and when I go onto Facebook, all I see is the same kind of messages I used to see before, except now it seems like Facebook has changed its algorithms again so that not everything is showing up as it should. And recently they announced that they want to charge people in order to make their updates appear. To me, that’s bordering on final straw territory. So, I may disappear soon, but not because of anger or anything, but because like the majority of the people in that poll: I don’t trust Facebook.

But worse, rather than just not trust Facebook, I’m starting to realize I may not even want Facebook. It doesn’t really serve much of a purpose for me if it wants to monetize me rather than monetize stuff I do and give me a cut of the profits. I work for a company that monetizes me as part of its agreement to pay me a salary. Facebook doesn’t do that. It expects the activity for free and then wants to profit even more off of it.

Which brings me to the soon to come public release of Facebook on Nasdaq. The owners of Facebook are trying to push that phantom value even higher and profit even more. But secretly, I suspect that there’s really no value in a paper tiger that doesn’t actually do anything other than rely on its constituents to fill in the active feeds. Without the people, Facebook is just another web site, like Myspace and someone useless like a Netscape browser. Talk about bubbles. This seems like the most ridiculous helium bubble we’ve ever manufactured, and when it bursts, I hate to be covered with the Myspace residue that is going to explode over everyone.

Has Dating Turned Into Some Kind of Weird Non-Televised Reality Show?

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There’s a story that’s been making its way across the Inter-tubes published on Business Insider, where a young woman indicates that dating made it possible for her to save a whole lot of money on daily living expenses, like food because men she was dating would pay for her meals. Now, while this sort of story isn’t all that new (women have been using men as potential mates as free meals for a long time now, about as long as commerce and dating has been around), the story makes the point that she did most of this in Manhattan, and she and her roommates specifically used Match.com in order to do it.

Since then, I’ve been reading a whole bunch of different articles on different sites where readers have chimed in, and basically everyone pretty much admits that this is nothing new, and that using various men on dates to get free food and tickets to movies (or the theater) has been a commonality for quite some time. On some of the sites, the commentary gets so crass as to project that certain “benefits” are expected after a certain amount of money spent, or a certain number of dates have been attended. The woman in the article indicates that she only dated men 5 times before dumping them (or moving on), so I’m not exactly sure where that fits into the calculations, but something tells me that that number has a LOT to do with that specific calculation, so I’ll just leave it at that and let you fill in the rest without having to say more.

What I do find intriguing is that dating has gotten into this whole “who pays for what” situation while in 21st century gender politics there has been a huge move towards equality of the sexes. As a commentary example, let me just mention that recently I finished off my schooling in which I did a Ph.d and a couple of MAs, and when I was dating in that pool of individuals, I found it quite intriguing that the women were demanding of equality at all times (whenever discussing rights, politics and academic rigor) but when an actual date occurred, there was an expectation that regardless of education, current state of gender politics or anything else, the guy was still expected to pick up the check for dinner. That included movies, or any other shared experience as well.

Now, keep in mind, when it came to “between friends” that changes a lot as in most cases a guy rarely ever has to shell out any money for a “date” when the “date” is being shared between friends, not two people thinking they are on a romantic date. So that’s a whole different dichotomy completely.

Now, I should also point out that way too often I’ll pick up the check regardless of the mindset of the adventure (be it romantic or friendship), but that’s just me. But what really gets me thinking more than I should is how many women actually walk into such an experience “expecting” certain things paid for. That includes drinks at a bar. I was at a group outing one night not too long ago when a young woman I casually knew sauntered up to where I was sitting and joined me. Within a short bit of time, there was an expectation that I was going to pay for her next drink. And I started to think to myself: “I’m not dating this young woman, nor am I probably ever going to be dating her, yet she has every expectation that the next set of drinks will be paid for by me, just because our genders are different.” At that moment, I was amazed at the brazen expectations people have, based off of ancient customs that have carried over into dynamics where they generally don’t fit any longer.

The whole dating scheme has gotten so that it’s very difficult for someone who is tired of playing a lot of the games that get played in this atmosphere. As one who abhors bars and drunk people, I avoid those places or people who frequent those kinds of places. Therefore, that leaves me with very few choices to find someone, other than venues like Match.com or Okcupid.com. As this article has shown me, and a lot of conversations with others have revealed to me, a lot of the women a guy is likely to find on Match.com or Okcupid.com are going to be very much like the entrepreneur in the original article, who sees any date with me as a chance to save money on her dinner bills. Whenever I go through the rankings of people advertising in my area on Okcupid, I’m left thinking that they’re really not looking for me, but for some weird fantasy of a guy who only exists on episodes of Gossip Girl or as a creature of the night in the Twilight movies. Recently, I found one woman who looked exactly like the down-to-Earth girl I was looking for when I read the last line of her profile, indicating that if the reader of her ad was someone who has EVER played World of Warcraft, she wasn’t interested. As those who know me know I’d be lying to say otherwise, I hid her picture and continued searching for that elusive someone who I began to realize probably didn’t exist.

Which is probably why I don’t date any more. I’d like to say that as a writer, I spend a lot of time alone on purpose, but sometimes it goes a little further than that. Somewhere down the line, I really got tired of the dating atmosphere and probably should have married years ago, but I never found the right person, so I realized at some point that I would have to go through a lot of the wrong people in order to finally find the right person, and just writing that is tiring enough. So, I tend to find solace in writing, reading a newspaper, and maybe a bout of magecrafting in World of Warcraft.

Why Social Networking Never Really Worked For Me

Social Networking, Writing, , , , ,

I know this is going to sound a bit strange, considering the amount of time I put into social networking sites, and the amount of energy that I expend actually working with them, but I’m going to let you in on a little secret: I’ve never been a fan of social networking sites. And it’s not because of reasons you might suspect.

You see, part of the appeal of a social networking site is that you can revisit the past by contacting people you used to know and get reacquainted with them. And that’s great. I’ve run across a lot of people I’ve known over the years, hooked back up with them on social networking sites like Myspace, Facebook and Twitter, and it’s been great. However, there’s been a sinister underbelly to this whole thing as well. And I suspect it’s one of those things that really only affects me more than anyone else. Let me explain.

For years, I have had great relationships with a lot of people, relationships that I have valued greatly. But it’s only through the use of social networking that I began to suspect that quite a few of those relationships were quite one-sided, in that I think I may have been the only one to actually have thought them to be as significant as they really were.

An example: When I was a young kid, I had a friend in fourth or fifth grade who gave me a stuffed animal who has been with me practically my entire life. At the time, that stuffed animal was pretty significant to her, and a friend of mine and I used to play catch with him in class. And at one point, I guess he became even more significant to me because she gave him to me, and I thought that was such a thoughtful gesture. Over the years, I remembered her name, mainly because she gave me that stuffed animal. And that little guy and I have been through a lot together. I went into the Army, and he went in with me. Other soldiers used to call him Lieutenant Elmer, and there was a time when I tossed him out to little kids to play with, as a sort of “get to know us as good people, not just occupiers in green uniforms” and they played with Elmer, throwing him around kind of like my friend and I had done in fourth and fifth grade. Like I said, that little stuffed animal has been with me for nearly forty years, and he’s seen more of the world than most other people ever will. And he may have had a serious impact on the lives of people who experienced his friendly stuffed ways.

But years later, when I made contact with the person who gave me that stuffed animal, her response when I mentioned I still had him nearly floored me. I got the impression she didn’t even remember him. And those memories of the connection that we had back then, shared over that little green frog who has touched so many lives, were forever tainted.

This same phenomenon has radiated also through other relationships I have had as well. There are a number of people I have known through the years who don’t seem to remember our relationships as fondly as I have. So when I went to contact them, after finding them through some search algorithm that Facebook or whatever site I was using used, I realized that they had almost completely different memories of our special times together. In some cases, they didn’t even accept friend requests, which gave me the impression that not only did they think back fondly on our wonderful times together, but they may not have remembered them at all.

Memories are like that, in that not always do both people remember an event the same way. I have a former best friend of mine who I actually went through a lot of work to find again through a social networking site. When I finally found him, it was a ho hum connection, which meant that no matter how fondly I remember our great adventures together, time destroyed the real bonds of friendship. Like Wolfe’s book warns us, sometimes you can’t go home again, no matter how much you long for how great home was at one point in time.

That’s what social networking has shown me, and it hasn’t been the experience I hoped to have. Sometimes, I think it might have been better to keep some of those past relationships in memory where that shared fondness still existed, never to be replaced by the reality that that person I would have done anything to be with a few more seconds longer in that relationship we once shared hasn’t spent one instant thinking about us since we parted ways.